Does your life feel messy, too?

I think it’s funny how we all have expectations that life will go according to plan. To the schedule that we’ve got in our heads. First we’ll do this, then go here and finally, land there.

Everyone always said to me ‘Well, life doesn’t work like that!’ And I used to think to myself, ‘Piss off. Yes it does. I always get what I want!’ 

And as much as I enjoy being delusional and thinking that the world revolves around me (because, well, in my world it certainly does) - I’ve come to realise that expecting life to be easy, perfect and to always go our way, is setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Once upon a time, several years ago, I was a successful real estate agent in Melbourne. I was winning awards, being sent on trips overseas and travelling, making more money than I knew what to do with and just living it up. I’d cracked the code on being successful - I had all the answers and life was just effortless.

Then, in 2018 my mum was diagnosed with cancer. Shit.

My life started unravelling very, very slowly. My relationships started to break down, I became an obsessive workaholic, I was partying all the time and just pushing my body to the absolute limits.

Then in March 2019, my mum passed away. Double shit.

I can say by this point I was well and truly lost. I was questioning everything, and the life I had been living up until this point all of a sudden felt overwhelming and unfulfilling - especially my career.

Growing up I'd been taught to 'play it safe.' Get a good job, get married, live humbly and just be happy. But there was this uncertainty that was gnawing in my gut that made me uncomfortable. I kept pushing those gut feelings down, hoping it was simply my grief. Hint: it didn't go away. 

I had an amazing support system with my work and I was damn good at my job, so I kept asking myself - why on earth would I want to leave? I'd been dreaming of this life for years. 

Eventually, I stumbled across a book Winging It by Emma Isaacs. I devoured the book in one sitting on a Friday night, and by Saturday morning, I’d walked into my office, sat down next to my boss and told him I no longer wanted to be a real estate agent anymore. Cue shock and blank stares. (Sorry, Todd).

I wish I could say that I was standing tall in my decision, confident and unwavering. But the truth is, I cried and sobbed so much during that conversation. I felt so uncertain because my heart and mind were telling me two different things: my brain said ‘stay where it’s comfortable, you’ve got it so good here’ while my heart was quietly whispering ‘there’s got to be more than this. It’s time to move on.’

So I made the hard decision to quit my job, with absolutely no back up plan, do a bit of travelling and live my life to take time to figure out what was next for me. I was so excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. 

And in theory, that would have been a lovely plan, wouldn’t it? But that’s not what happened. Two weeks after I finished up my job… COVID hit and the world went into lockdown. Triple shit.

The journey to get from March 2020 to now (September 2023) has been filled with a never ending rollercoaster of events and growth. Absolutely nothing has gone to plan. But am I glad I made that decision to leave my job? It’s a resounding fuck YES.

Despite everything that’s happened in the past few years 
(actually, here’s a brief synopsis of the events that have taken place since I quit:

- Covid lockdowns
- Developed chronic fatigue from burnout 
- Started working on the business idea for Honest & Bold and launched 2021
- Travelled around Aus while out of lockdowns
- Got my breast implants removed
- Gained weight, lost weight, gained it again 
- Spent all my money on the business and stuff I really didn’t need
- Had to sell my car and start a casual job in my friends cleaning business
- Struggled with feelings of loneliness and felt like a total loser
- Worked casually in disability
- Got dumped during a lockdown
- Had the most amazing housemates live with me for a year
- Manifested beautiful, supportive friends
- Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in Sept 2021
- Dad passed away Oct 2022
 
- Decided to launch a podcast
- Postponed said podcast 
- Started dating the most amazing partner 
- Got a job working at my old real estate company in a completely different field

and honestly, that’s all I can think of off the top of my head right now!)

So, as I was saying, despite ALL of that, I’m so happy I’ve made the decisions I’ve made, because I wouldn’t be who I am today without having gone through it all.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out. I know I certainly did. And then when life doesn’t go according to plan, we freak out. We can take it to mean we’re useless, or that we have no idea what we’re doing… but here’s the honest truth - Nobody knows what they're doing!

This is life. I’m still on my journey of figuring myself out. To be fair, I don't think anyone has it all figured out, because the moment you do, life changes again. Life will always throw surprises our way, with new lessons to learn and different seasons we’re going to go through. And that is completely normal. Life is supposed to be messy.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed with how your journey is playing out, take this advice from me, please: You’re not doing anything wrong, you are more than enough and it will all work itself out. Probably even better than you ever thought it would too.

We’re sold this idea that life needs to be perfect and we need to have it all, do it all and be it all. But all we ever need is to try our very best in any given moment and make choices that are going to fill us with purpose and joy, and put us in alignment. One step at a time.

If you can do that, and worry less about comparing yourself to everyone else and just ride the wave you're on knowing it won't be like this forever… I bet you’ll be someone who’s living a pretty damn good (perfectly imperfect) life.

Much love,

Sam
Honest & Bold x