EMBRACING CHANGE
‘Change’ comes in all different shapes and sizes throughout our lives. Many of us love and welcome change - when it’s what we want. A new hair colour, clothing style, moving house, changing careers, new routines to help better ourselves…
But what do you do when you’re faced with a major life change that you never wanted? Something that feels so forced and unexpected - a complete shock to the system.
How the hell do you pick yourself up and carry on when you’re experiencing the worst heart break of your life? When someone you love passes away? When the life you felt so comfortable in, is suddenly vastly different and you’re barely holding your head above the water?
As John C. Maxwell so eloquently put it - “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”
Don’t worry, we aren’t about to go on a ✨live, laugh, love✨ tangent, telling you to simply “lean into change” and to “just stay positive” (although those are certainly factors). We prefer to take the real and relatable approach here at H&B.
Change can feel f@#*ing hard. And everyone deals with change in their own way.
Some people take like a duck to water in some situations, but flounder in others. So please don’t compare yourself to any one else, it isn’t gonna help.
We’ve got some thoughts on how you can best manage dealing with major life changes that make you feel uneasy, awkward, out of control and out of your comfort zone.
First and foremost, please accept that there may be a transition period where you have to adjust to your new reality. Life might feel a little bit harder at the start. You might feel a little more overwhelmed and emotional than usual. You might find your new everyday routine feels clunky. Breathe in, and remember, that too shall pass. It’s just the transitional period babes. It won’t always feel this way. You got this.
Ask yourself, how much of this can I actually control?
It’s normal to feel anxious and stressed when you’re out of your comfort zone. But if there’s nothing you can do to change the situation, you need to ask yourself what you can control. Try writing a list of everything you can control and focus on that! Worrying about anything outside of your control is just asking for anxiety and stress to stick to you like glue.
Focus on yourself
What do you really want (and more importantly, need) from your life right now? Try creating new rituals and routines that suit your life. There is no point setting your alarm for 5am every single day if you can barely wake up and feel completely exhausted by 11am. What FEELS GOOD right now? If you know that morning’s are hardest for you, try scheduling appointments for after work. If you need time to rest, keep your weeknights clear. We love writing lists at H&B because they help you organise your thoughts. Try writing a list of everything you absolutely love and make it a priority!
Surround yourself with positive, support people
When you’re going through big changes, hanging around with people that don’t get it… it’s just not the vibes 🥴 You don’t need outside pressure when things feel tough. You need to surround yourself with people (family members, friends, co-workers, professionals) that can help support you through your changes. That might mean that parties and late nights take a back seat while you figure things out. That might mean less catch ups and more time at home. It might also mean you need more contact and support from friends than usual. And you don’t deserve to feel guilty for doing what you need.
Relax your mind and vibration
We recommend trying things like meditating, deep breathing and journalling in the moments that feel overwhelming. It can feel odd if you’ve never done it before, but it’s highly recommended for a reason. If that’s not your style, then try doing things that take your mind off of everything - go for a walk or hit the gym, listen to a podcast, play the guitar, paint, go and see friends - do something you love that feels easy and fun!
Feel your feelings
If we had a dollar for every time we heard someone say “just feel your feelings…” we’d be rich. But here we are, saying it. Because it actually works wonders. When you feel the stress, anxiety, sadness, overwhelm bubbling up to the surface, take a moment.
In fact, take yourself somewhere quiet and set a timer for 90 seconds.
- Let the feelings rise up inside you - your mind will automatically start going into overdrive. Stop! (This is thinking, not feeling!
- Direct your focus to the sensations you feel in your body - ‘my chest feels hollow, my heart is beating really fast’
-Take some deep breaths and try to quieten your mind from racing by thinking about how your body feels.
- Trust the feelings will leave.
You might feel a little silly trying this one, but we promise you’ll feel a lot lighter than you did before.
Change your perspective
So often we resist change and struggle to completely embrace it because we equate ‘change’ with ‘loss.’ And to be fair, that’s how it can really feel. If you’ve just lost your job or your partner has broken up with you, you’re probably grieving the change to your everyday life and sense of self. We all have the moments where you feel like you’re spiralling - “why me!?” “How will I ever find something better!?” “I’m so unlovable” or “I’m not good enough.”
Let yourself feel those feelings, and then ask yourself… What story am I telling myself and is it helping or hurting me?
If you’re stuck thinking that life is sh*t and it will never get better… that’s definitely not going to help you move forward and embrace change. It feels hard right now, but try to be grateful for what you had. Okay, so that relationship failed but I learnt what I deserve from a partner. Yes, I just got laid off from my dream job, but I’m so grateful I even got the job in the first place, I learnt so much from working there and it will open new opportunities I never thought possible.
Try to think of all the things you’re grateful for having, even if you don’t have it any more (yes, of course we are going to suggest writing another list). Even if all you can muster is one thing you’re grateful for, that’s better than nothing. So start there.
And just a quick reminder, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Take it one day at a time. You’re doing great, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
We love you - you’re stronger than you think.
Honest & Bold xx